Luziana Fats'
(spankin' new)
Euchre Page
The following maneuvers are not listed in any sort of particular order of stupidity. It's rather hard to actually consider one dumber than the next.  I'd also hate to encourage the performers of such outrageous acts (I call them "jamokes") to be proud of their accomplishments and maybe even try to outdo themselves in the future, especially if they are sitting across the table from me (in which case I will shoot them).                        -Fats
1. Jamoke orders up a bower to the opponent and then declares "alone" (this guy is from Natty Bumppo's excellent collection of online players called "Stone Idiots").
2. Jamoke deals the cards and turns over a four of diamonds, just as it is discovered that his scorecards are missing (Notice I didn't mention any names, Eric).
3. Jamoke leads the Jack of hearts (before any suit is made trump mind you), the exact same moment that the dealer is reaching down to pick up the Ace of hearts. The dealer, seeing Jamoke's bower, turns it over instead. Jamoke calls diamonds and is easily euchred.
4. Jamoke(tte) announces that she reneged at 9-9, just after winning the first three tricks, while the other cards were being thrown in (don't worry Debbie, I won't tell them it was you!).
5. Jamoke declares a misdeal. Everyone grumbles and turns over their cards, including Jamoke's partner who reveals a loner in the turn-up suit. Then after counting his cards again (1-2- 3- 4- 5), Jamoke announces that it wasn't a misdeal, he had only miscounted.
Luziana Fats'
(spankin' new)
Euchre Page
Yahoo! ID: luziana_fats
Real Name: Gus Breaux
Location: New Awlins, Luziana
Age: 69
Marital Status: Married but looking
Gender: Male
Occupation: Politician/Hustler

Hobbies: drinkin' fine wine (like Thunderchicken, Night Train and Mad Dog 20/20), smokin' fine reefer, and playin' fine euchre.
1. Don't jump your partner's ass the first time he screws up.
This just breaks the confidence that is necessary in order for a partnership to coordinate effectively.
2. However, the first time one of the opponents screw up, laugh loudly about it. Try to instigate an argument between him and his partner.
Although it may sound like dirty pool (and it certainly is), if you can get your opponents pissed off at each other early in the game, your chances of winning will increase dramatically.
3. If your partner screws something up again, remain calm. Try explaining to him what you might have done differently in his situation that may have had a more positive outcome.
You may also need to remind your opponents at this point to mind their own business and assure them that you and your partner have everything under control.
4. If the opposition makes another obvious mistake, humiliate them! Make  them feel as though they have no idea what the hell they are doing.
Sometimes mentioning to an opponent that his partner had just made a derogatory comment about his mother or ethnic heritage will help to insight further conflict.
5. If your partner screws up yet again, it is time to go across the table after his dumb ass!!!
Beat him until he decides to never try playing euchre again! You will be doing his future partners a big favor!
It must be football season...
Yeah, I know what all you yankee guys up north do in the winter.
1. Drink beer
2. Watch football
3. Play euchre
4. Drink more beer

Down here in the south, we stick mainly to #1 and #4 (but I like #'s 2 and 3 too!).
I figured I had better share a recipe for Buffalo Wings with y'all that go excellent with beer and football. Actually they would go good with euchre if you could keep the sauce off of the cards!
Atomic Buffalo Wings
  Warning : these suckers are HOT!!!
Sauce:
1 bottle of Cayenne Pepper sauce
(do not use a brand that contains too much vinegar, like Tabasco etc. Use brands like; Durkees' or Franks').

1/2 bottle of Habenero pepper sauce
(try to find a hot one like; "Ass in the tub", "Dave's Suicidal" or "Vampfyre").

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon black pepper

1 teaspoon ground red pepper

(butter is for wussies)

2lbs. chicken wings-
Break wings into three sections and discard the tips (unless my brother is around). Pluck out any feathers.

Deep fry until very crispy (nobody likes blubbery wings).

Place wings in a bowl (tupperware type with lid) along with sauce, cover and shake.

Serve with celery and carrot sticks (very important!) with blue cheese dressing (and beer).
Next Time:
Better watch out...
'cuz Santa's coming to town!
Don't be a Jamoke!!!
Photo courtesy Natty Bumppo.